I'm back. (obviously, V.)

Wheew. Is this for good? I hope so.

Is that mean I solved the problems that's occupying my mind since ever? Er. Kinda. Some problems issues are resolved already. Some are still longing for the solution, some questions still wait for the answers to come along.

But what am I doing? Hmm. I don't know. Maybe there are lot of things that's running in my mind, lots of things I need to prioritize. Lots of issues I need to settle down.

And one question I really need to find an answer. Am I true to myself when I burst out the line no fulfillment at all? I am hoping against hope here.. That maybe I belong to the denial-queen-clan that's why I reacted like that. Oh well. Stop this, V. You shouldn't talking about this in your blog. He might.. Er. Stop. Don't give any clue.

But how's me, anyway? I AM NOT OK. That's it. At least I'd able to say it.

Those problems I am blabbing with my B are still problems. Although M is trying to fix it, I know, sooner or later, D will discover about this.

The issue about the unending issue is still bugging me. He is still bugging me! For Christ's sake!!!

The inevitable behavior of J is still hurting me. I want to ignore it, but how can I if.. if.. if.. *sigh* can't say it after all.

Urgghh. I don't know how will I end this post.

Maybe a period will do. Period. A FULL STOP.

Labels: Confession of a Fickle Mind

Dear B (again),

This would be so short. Just one question. Why did you left me us?

I always asked you before when I have nowhere to go, can I just stay with you?

I still remember the first time you saved my day when they left me in the middle of the field. I have noone to talk to and  nowhere to go. I am so thankful you're there that sunny day. I asked you if I can come with you in your house because they left me all alone.That time we're only 7 years old and that's the beginning of everything. The time that I realized that you are not the silly boy I used to believe.

I also remember your promise that you will never ever leave me alone. Is that the reason why you always visit me in my dreams?

And now, I don't know who will I confide this problems and decisions I needed to settle. No one to talk to. Nowhere to go to. One year of you nonexistence is really hard for me. Sooo much.

Can I just stay with you, B? Don't worry, I won't bite your ears again. Promise. =(

Labels: Confession of a Fickle Mind

Dear B,

How are you? I know Papa Jesus is taking good care of you there. Did He let you and R play ragnarok there in heaven? If so, I do hope you and R is not fighting, huh? And hey, don't piss the angels there, ok? Be a good boy. Remember, Papa Jesus is just around. ;)

I am here in your guestroom. Ok ok. Don't get mad. I'm here in MY bedroom. I really miss the time when you get mad when I say I'll just sleep in the guestroom 'cause you want me to call it MY room. Then I just laugh out loud because I can see your nostril become sooo big when you are getting mad. I'm such a kiddo, huh? Because you're a kiddo too! Bleeh! :p

Oh,  how's me? I'm ok. Not totally ok, though. I'm having fever since Monday. But don't worry, I'm a big girl now. It's just... *sigh* Now I failed when I say to myself that I won't cry when I talk to you. But what can I do? I really really miss your presence. I really miss you being by my side when I want to talk to someone.

Yeah. At this moment, I need someone to talk to. Let say that I am in the middle of BIG decision making now. I just don't know what to do. What should I say. And another thing, I am having this weird dream again. You know, just like before. The weirdest dream of all. Last is, the same old problem with J's friend. I am sooo afraid D will get mad. I just don't know how will I handle it.

Oh, how about him? Yeah, I tried to talk to him about this. He's busy with his own stuff. I tried again but we had something to fix before I had the chance to open up again. The couple's usual normal fights. Err. Ok ok. Not so normal fights. That's what you call the fights I started. Haha. Your such a bully, B. You know, the nurse's unusual time schedule. I bet you know it. You're supposed to be one of those handsome nurses in white uniform. So sad there's no chance for the both of you to meet each other. But I'll ask him to come with me to visit you if he's here in Metro, ok?

Btw, I had dinner with K, R, S, J and M last week in our favorite Itallian resto. Oh, don't be shocked. We're all together again, huh? If you only knew how hard it is to try to put their asses together in a dinner. It is way too harder than playing Uno. Err. What am I saying?

Maybe I need to sleep, eh? Wait. Do all of you sleep up there in heaven? Silly me. C'mon B, I'm just asking. Well, goodnight. I'll visit your paradise tomorrow, ayt? Happy 16th day of the month, my B. I badly miss having you as my best friend and brother in one.


PS.
Please tell Papa Jesus to guide all people I love. And one more request, ask Him don't let the sky rain tomorrow please? I feel soooo sad when it rains. You don't want your paradise to be tears-flooded, ayt? ;)

Labels: Life Oh BitterSweet LIFE

I hate to compare but sometimes you need to. For you to know the pros and cons of having the past and the present. But what I am afraid of comparing is.. what if I realized I am more comfortable in my past? What should I do with my present?

Err. What are talking about, V?! Lolx.

Don't panic. I am just talking about my notebook. My past notebook which is Dell Inspiron 710m and my present notebook which is Sony Vaio VGN-SR13GN.

My past

OS: Windows XP Home SP2 Edition
Processor: Intel Pentium M 755 / 1.7 GHz
Hard Disk: 80 GB Serial ATA 5400rpm
Memory: 1GB (2x512) DDR
Display: 12.1" Wide 1280x800
Color: Silver
Other features: WLAN, Ultralight (4.6 lbs) and being my first laptop =)

My Present

OS: Windows Vista Business
Processor: Intel® Core™2 Duo Processor P8400 (2.26 GHz)
Hard Disk: 250 GB Serial ATA 5400rpm
Memory: 4GB DDR2 SDRAM
Display: 13.3" Wide 1280x800
Color: Light Pink
Other features: WLAN, WebCam, Fingerprint Sensor, Bluetooth, Switch Function

Click Here for more information about my new laptop. ;)

***
Yeah yeah. I know. My new laptop is way too much better than my old laptop. But you know, like what others always tell us, first love never dies. My old laptop is the one with me when I developed the first website in my first job as a web developer. My old laptop is with me when I first blab my first entry in my blog. My old laptop is with me when I first blah blah blah.

Whatever, V. Too much firsts. Move on. Yesterday finished last night. Harhar. Mushy mushiness! Lolx. =) But I know I'll be at ease soon using my new ala-Legally Blonde notebook.

But what I really wanna say is I am having difficulty in using Windows Vista. And the keyboard of my new laptop, it's kinda awkward for me to code my program with kinda "distant" keys, unlike in my Dell. That's all. Haha. =)

Oh, both notebook is from my Dad. I'm such a lucky girl I don't need Santa Claus, huh? :p

Labels: THINGS Cost A Love

Commercial break is over. As what my bessy told me, the show must go on. =)

After shouting here in my blog, now a smile in my face can't fade away. Haha. You know, I am the queen of the mood swing. Lolx. =)

Why am I happy? Hmmm. Let me put it this way. Who would think that wishing in a blog will come true? Yep. My wish that he is here came true. Isn't it nice to be with someone you love when you are so lonely? Yeah hun, your hunnie is so mushy. Haha.

The moment I am with him, I absolutely forgot the.. err. what is that something I need to forget? Can't remember anymore. I totally forgot about it. Lolx.

All I know is.. uhmm.. last weekend is sooo amazing! ;)

Friday night, we went to Embassy Bar Prince of Jaipur Bar, The Fort. The original plan was Embassy but the jinx attacked us. Or should I say Alzheimer's disease attacked us? Haha. We forgot to bring ID! Hell yeah. We're not allowed to enter the bar even we're on the guest list 'cause we don't have our ID with us. Ok ok. Jaipur is the next option.

But it was still fun. Right hun? But I really bet that you and Mr. J really had more fun because of lots of baby chicken. Toinks! Haha. :D

Saturday, a little chilling (chill? Under the sun, chill?! Haha)  at starbucks. Tsk. Forgot to take a picture of how they spelled my precious name.

A little stroll in Glorietta, a little shopping in Rustan's. Yeyy! I already have the Havaianas limited edition - pink illusion swirls. ;)

Actually when we are in Rustan's I am having the dilemma to choose between the two design: Illusion Swirls or Flash. And thanks to my hunnie for helping me to decide. His word? "Is that a problem? Buy both of it." Best advise, isn't it? Lolx. Thanks for the support, hun! Haha. =)




A little post-lunch at KR. A little lot of running under the rain storm along Ayala Avenue. We ran from Enterprise Bldg to Jaka Bldg until we reached Krispy Kreme. Can you imagine that? I am running with him under the stormy sky with a twist of lighting and thunder? Soo sweet. Lolx. =)

Though, it was fun. Soooo much! Thanks for the visit hun. Who says that 960 kilometers will be a hindrance to us? ^^___^^

Labels: Life Oh BitterSweet LIFE, THINGS Cost A Love